excuse_to_rock

fuck.

2008-05-22T22:31:09Z

So today, I walked out of Niemiller's room and guess who I see waiting at the lockers?

Hunter.
The boy who I've been head over heels for since late February.

He was looking around, and I kept telling myself he was looking for me so we could joke around and slam each other's lockers shut when we're trying to get ready for class, you know, like we always do.

Not today.

"Here, give this to Megan."

He handed me a note.
My stomach dropped.

"Promise me you won't read it."
I shoved it in my pocket.

"I promise."

When I was walking down the hallway, I knew the look on my face had to show all my emotions running together at once.

Confusion.
Sadness.
Anger.

Kayla knew it right then.

"What's wrong?"

I couldn't speak.
I could only stare down the crowded hallway as I made my way to class.

Life Skills.
he passed me in the hallway and gave me a nervous smile.
I wanted to punch him.

I threw my folder down on the table and fell into the chair, the note in my hands.

Should I read it?
Should I let her read it first, then ask what it said?
Should I not give it to her at all?

I opened it,
and started to cry.

"Megan.
I've known you for two years and you're an awesome friend. But there's something you don't know. I like you a lot and I was wondering, if you don't have a boyfriend, will you go out with me?

P.S. Write back"

For nearly 3 months,
he led me on.

For nearly 3 months,
I've shamelessly paraded myself around for him,
laughing at his stupidity and playing his immature games.

For nearly 3 months,
he's fucking played me.

And I couldn't be more embarrased, heartbroken and pissed off.

They say "Hate The Player, Not The Game."
Well I'm going against the rules.

I hate the player.

so, how was your day?

catastrophic.

2008-05-04T00:35:47Z

yet another pointless update about my life.

remember when i said i might possibly have a boyfriend soon?
well, i realized i didn't really feel the way i thought i did about him.
turns out it was a physical attraction, not an emotional one.

i feel horrible about it.
i feel like i used him or led him on.
i don't know anymore.

i do know that i've fallen back in love with another boy, though.
i fell for him back in 7th grade (early '06) and have had feelings for him ever since, but when i met the new boy (the one i was talking about in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs) i kinda went back into friend mode.
but lately it's like he's pulling me back in.
as much as i hate it, i have to admit i've missed all the flirting and unconscious little touches.
i really do think he loves me as much as i love him, but i think he has a commitment problem.
i'm happy having this close relationship with him, but i really do want to go to the next level.

we'll see, but i know my best friend will hate me for it.
she's got a crush on him too.
she says she loves him but i know for a fact she just likes him because he's funny and he's cute.
she has no idea how amazing he really is because she's only seen the sarcastic, typical boy side of him.
she's never seen the vulnerable, sensitive boy that i've seen, and her feelings for him will stay the same until she does.
but i doubt she ever will...
he's nowhere near as close to her as he is to me.
and i feel horrible for it.

i know i sound selfish and really, i'm not.
i'm just being honest.

sometimes, i hate having a heart.

It's Weird

2006-06-06T21:02:34Z

Title: It's Weird
Rating: I honestly don't know...PG to R.
Author: Excuse_To_Rock (Meeeee)
Pairing: The vampire Lestat and a blue monkey. It's vam, of course!
Summary: Hmm...not good with these. Basically Ville's life is going downhill and a certain someone saves him. Will Ville admit his love for that certain someone or will he continue to deny it?

Prolouge
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapters 11, 12 and 13
Chapter 14
Chapters 15 and 16

excuse_to_rock @ 2005-10-28T21:01:00

2005-10-29T01:03:39Z

Hee hee....I'm so weird. My first entry. Wow. I finally figured it out! Yay! Haha.....